Epilogue for Heavenly Journeys

 Nasir, as he is known is traveling French back roads with Balian. They hear a woman reading a story aloud in English. Neither of them understand English but they sit and watch her. She is expressive with her body language and fluid with her vocal intonations, reading from a collection of papers. When she stops she asks in halting French if they liked the story.

“I enjoyed listening.” Balian responds. He looks at Nasir who smiles and nods with enthusiasm. “Can you tell me what the story is about?” Balian asks the girl.

The girl explains the former king, Uther is visited by a man named Merlin  who always carried himself with dignity and restraint. but was nothing more than a servant to the prince. Merlin is here to honor the last request prince Arthur ever made to him and 'care for the king'. The king's daughter Morganna has taken the throne and captured, presumably imprisoned Arthur, a true role model for his people...
“Role model?” Imad asks aloud, to Balian.
“A person you would choose to be like or would want to make proud of you, or both.” The girl explains. “In this story Uther, while he was king, executed even those suspected of the crime of sorcery. Morganna is a witch in the truest sense of the word: vile, dark and self-obsessed. Merlin has a servant's heart, and never told anyone of his magic, fearing losing that person as a friend. I should probably at least give MY name before I continue. I like the name Nikita, it's what I prefer to be called by my friends. Most people would call me Sasha. And if you don't know me very well, it's more appropriate.” She looked from one friendly face to another before continuing her story.

At one point Balian says something to the effect of 'will you finish it for us'. Sasha answers that she does not want to keep them from wherever they are going. After confused and uncertain glances, Nasir smiles slightly and explains to Sasha. “I think what my master means to ask is 'will you come with us, to our home and be our guest for a few days...finishing the story and sharing others that come to mind'.
The girl stammers, in English. “Forgive me, French is not my native language. Some things are instantly recognizable and others get completely lost. Maalik or Mudaris?” The question itself surprises both men. It is a moment before Nasir answers.
“...Closer to Hafiz or Khadim.” Nasir finally answers.
Resuming French she replies. “It would truly warm my heart to have a chance to cheer yours. And to learn how this beautiful accident came to be.”

“For an English woman you speak French remarkably well.”

“It is amazing how easily things come to you when you actually pursue them.”
Nasir blushes and smiles. “Then let us go. After you sir of course.”
“Nasir,” Balian says with a smile. “You understand that you do not have to walk behind me or bow to me in public. They do not know me as Godfrey's son here but as a blacksmith.”
“It's a part of my own culture sir...and a sign of my own devotion.”
“Well that definitely explains a few things.” Hannah murmurs in English.
Nasir blushes and smiles. “Then let us go. After you sir of course.”
“Nasir,” Balian says with a smile. “You understand that you do not have to walk behind me or bow to me in public. They do not know me as Godfrey's son here but as a blacksmith.”
“It's a part of my own culture sir...and a sign of my own devotion.”
“Well that definitely explains a few things.” Hannah murmurs in English.
“I do agree, we should be getting home. Nikita, come, stay with us for the night, I insist.”
“ And I heartily accept.” the woman replied seriously.

 I actually mean that; I need to bring this to life again. Until I can, here it is:

At one point Balian says something to the effect of 'will you finish it for us'. Sasha answers that she does not want to keep them from wherever they are going. After confused and uncertain glances, Nasir smiles slightly and explains to Sasha. “I think what my master means to ask is 'will you come with us, to our home and be our guest for a few days...finishing the story and sharing others that come to mind'.

The girl stammers, in English. “Forgive me, French is not my native language. Some things are instantly recognizable and others get completely lost. Maalik or Mudaris?” The question itself surprises both men. It is a moment before Nasir answers.
“...Closer to Hafiz or Khadim.” Nasir finally answers.
Resuming French she replies. “It would truly warm my heart to have a chance to cheer yours. And to learn how this beautiful accident came to be.”
Nasir blushes and smiles. “Then let us go.”
“Nasir,” Balian says with a smile. “You do understand that you do not have to walk behind or bow to me in public. I was not...they do not know me as Godfrey's son here in the first place.”
“It's a part of my own culture sir...and a sign of my own devotion.”
“Well that definitely explains a few things.” Hannah murmurs in English.

Later that evening:
“Nasir.” Sasha says with a soft smile. “May I ask you a fairly personal question?”
“I suppose so.” The man said slowly.
“man hu lak-a?”
“Wait you don't speak French easily but you speak Arabic?” Balian pressed.
“I speak French *easily*.” Hannah corrected him shortly. “But sometimes not *properly*. English is my first language and I never learned its 'proper' use. There are a few things it's helpful to be able to say when the occasion calls for it, in any language. I...I once dreamed something impossible and the person I was dreaming about taught me to break down walls of communication with 'the other'.” She hung her head, clearly embarrassed and unsure.
“If you believe this is a gift of God, that is all I need to believe you.” Nassir said softly. “Besides, I would be...something worse than a fool...to deny you are helping put me at ease, and helping me understand your meaning when you talk to me like this.” Nasir said with a warmth to his tone.
"Neither question you've asked makes sense to me." Balian said fairly irked. He did not take his eyes off the stranger as he continued his conversation. "Nassir, what exactly is she asking you?"
“She wanted to clarify the word 'master'. When she asked 'maalik or mudaris' she was asking if you were my teacher or my owner. Rather, if I was your student or your property. ..”
“I'm sorry but what's the difference?”
Sasha herself answered that. “Nasir could be your servant but regard you as his friend, or as his taskmaster. Then again *he could be *your legal property and yet feel nothing of the kind.”
“ 'Maalik or Mudaris'. The words translate as 'teacher' and 'master'. Was I learning from you or did I belong to you. The second question in French would be qui est à toi (who is yours). Or rather qui est-il pour toi (who is he to you). Which of course changes the purpose, that is the focus, of the question.”
"Don't you think you should answer her?" Balian said with an almost impatient humor.
"Al-rafiq." Nassir answered. “And do I assume correctly you know exactly what that means?”
“I think...'friends as close as blood'...He is dear to you...closer than what 'Sajiq' would say.”

“And you are quite correct at that.” Nassir stated somewhat reluctantly.

“It's amazing what people can learn when they bother to listen.” Balian said in a voice barely above a whisper. A comment that made Nikita or as I should call her Sasha blush slightly.

“We agree.” Baldwin IV answered. “When I am gone, you must not encourage him in this endeavor. But neither should you stand in his way.”
“Forgive me sire, but may I withdraw? You have my love, but the destiny of your kingdom is your own. I wish neither credit nor blame for this decision. As odd as this may sound...coming from me...you are masters of your own fate here.”
“Self-destiny Sajiq?” The king told me softly. “Of course, but stay nearby alright.”
“Of course sire.” I answered him. I bowed and withdrew.
Several minutes later I was waiting outside, in the corridor or passage not too far from the king's quarters. I saw a young boy watching me. He was richly dressed but seemed so quiet and withdrawn, he might have been the son of a servant. He did not back away as I walked up to him. I stopped about 30 paces away and smiled, as softly as I knew how.
“Salaam little one.” I told the boy. He looked at me with a smile and a bit of wonder.
“Ala-i-kum Salaam.” He told me in a soft, firm voice. “Who are you?”
“I am called Nassir. I was a solider in Saladin's army. When given the chance I...” At that moment I realized who he was. I felt myself blush and bowed my head. “I did not realize. Forgive me sire.”
“I'm not king yet.” The boy told me. “Even if I were, you would not be one of my subjects.”
“Forgive me but I would be one of your subjects as long as I lived within your borders, would I not?” He looked at me as if asking for clarification, so I continued. “I am not one of your people, I gladly live under your authority. I...I served Baldwin's predecessor before my lord Saladin called me back to Damascus. My lord swore an oath to 'serve the peace and the king'. I give you my word, as it is in my power, I will do the same.”

“Strange as it sounds to hear you say this; I think it makes sense.” Balian whispered.

“Merlin drew himself to his knees before his liege. Who stood their stunned and confused. 'why are you doing this?' He asked the young man. 'Asking forgiveness for cowardice as if you've been anything but noble and brave. Merlin if anything I should be thanking you. You have used you powers for nothing except keeping us fed and warm, and kept your powers hidden from me so I would accept you help. That is hardly a cowards move. The last thing Arthur asked of you was to care for me and you have, proving if nothing else you are as loyal to him as I first believed. I'll never understand you, but I am indebted to you. Now get. up.' ”

Choosing Your Friends

 A Heavenly Journeys story that lives up to its name in ways others do not.

As he looked toward the incoming army, Balian felt his heart rise. Two men rode by his side, both of whom he trusted implicitly. Almaric, his father's best man stood stalwartly, unflinching on his left. Nassir his servant and a Saracen on his right. Together the three of them would lead the fight against what seemed to be an overwhelming army, Nassir's own countrymen. As they got into position for the charge, Balian was sure that each man would truly do his best, but it still seemed a hopeless cause.

“Why do you ride with us?” Almaric asked of Nassir.

“Do you doubt me?” Nassir asked blandly. “Do you doubt my commitment?” He clarified.

“Loyalty to me is one thing Nassir.” Balian answered his friend. “This is treason is it not?”

“We don't have many leaders who claim to speak for God. And we serve GOD no matter what, before all other considerations. I don't want innocents to die and you have set out to defend them. I won't live knowing I let something like THIS happen unchallenged. Also I promised to follow you Balian, no matter what. Forgive me but fighting for what's right seems to be something of a...thoughtless decision.”

“A forgone conclusion.” Balian corrected. That Nassir's French finally failed him did not register in his mind. As they charged the incoming Saracen army defeat, or at least surrender seemed the only possible outcome...until one Calvary officer in the army of Sala-hodeen cried out:

“Stop, stop everyone!”

Balian stared in amazement as the entire opposing army slowed their steeds and lowered their weapons. One archer even bowed his head to the trio. “Crish-ar-neth.” He said solemnly.

Only then did Balian see the reality of the situation. They were saluting Nassir. Clearly this man was not the simple, goodhearted servant he'd assumed him to be; he was a lord among his people.

“I should have known.” Balian said in a whisper.

“You are not to blame for trusting me. Trust me now that I did not mean to hurt you. I...I cannot see for certain what is coming. My lord Sala-hodeen is coming even now. As apparently is Baldwin of Jerusalem, rides to meet him.” He gestured to the middle distance. I promise no harm will come to either of you if I have anything to say about it.”

Balian looked thoroughly confused. “If there is a battle today, he is still required to fight for his lord king. It is, more than I would have expected that he guarantees your...our safety even so.”

“Let us hope it will not come to that.” Balian said with a nod and a quiet smile.

When Saladin turned back from his meeting with the King of Jerusalem he rode his steed directly up to Nassir and began talking with him in rapid Arabic. A conversation ending with the phrase taeal , lays ladayk sabab lilbaqa' huna baed alan , taeal 'iilaa almanzil, Which translates as 'Come, you have no reason to stay here anymore, come home'.

Nassir looked troubled and uncertain as he replied. “Milord Saladin, please forgive me but I do not WANT to leave. I gave Balian my word that if he would have me I would not leave his side. Moreover that I would do any thing to help him, a freely given choice that I have no reason to fall back from. I truly believe Allah brought *me to *him. Please do not take me home yet.”

“You choose to be a servant?” Saladin inquired, clearly taken aback.

“I do not believe he would have me walk behind him anymore, now that he knows I am a man of rank...When I met him I was cloaked as Mummad-al-Fais servant; I never corrected that perception. Balian was dres-was not clearly a lord in his own right when I challenged him to a fight that ended with my servant dead and my life in Balian's  hands.”

“Start again. And slow down.” Saladin said firmly.”

“When I first laid eyes on him I was dressed as a servant and Mummad-al-Fais as a lord. Taking each-other's cloaks was...liberating for both of us. I had him challenge Balian for possession of a horse he must have rescued from the water. Balian was not known, had not declared who he truly is - the lord of Ibelin and the son of Godfrey. When he revealed himself, the fight became even. In the end Balian was victorious, Mummad-al-Fais had been killed in the skirmish. At that moment my future was, for all I could see, firmly for Balian to decide. He had me guide him to Jerusalem. When we got within the walls of the holy city I chose not to reveal my rank, asked to follow him as a servant, a life truly worth leading and a freely given choice. He accepted and I have stood at his side ever since. In the weeks I have spent with him he has never failed to treat me with dignity, respect and consideration, far more as  his  friend than his servant. I must confess and I freely declare that I do not WANT to leave his side. Please do not take him from...from my life.”

“I...cannot tear apart what God has ordained. By no means would I tear you from a friend Imad. Does he know what his choices mean for us? Does he know what YOUR choice means?”

“He will before long, I promise you. But for now, I think just talking to Nassir knowing that's not his name will be a difficult adjustment.”

Saladin actually smiled broadly. “I am certain it will. Especially when you explain the joke.”

A Heavenly Paradigm

 Nasir's Chosen Life – written to be read to an audience

“You asked its permission.” Balian said suddenly. Nassir looked up startled and, if possible, intrigued. “The only way we could make this journey is if your master's steed accepted you and you asked its...approval I guess, without trying to buy his acceptance.”

“Yes. I must admit you surprise me.”

“I am the baron of Ibelin. But before my father came to France looking for me, I was a blacksmith. I know the behavior of horses. And I recognize the care you take with him.”

“I, should give them a little something.” Nassir prompted, though he intended it as a question. With Balian's nodded approval the stranger took a couple of broken carrot pieces from his satchel and handed one to each horse. Looking at the horse his master had ridden, he patted the steeds neck, thoughtfully. “Forgive the intrusion but are you...like Godfrey?”

“I'm not sure. Truly, I knew him a short time before he passed. Why do you ask?”

“Godfrey was one of the few Christian lords we respected for his conscience and principles, as much as for his skills as a warrior or the honor due his rank. Sala-hodeen himself would respect him as..” He looked almost frightened and stopped himself. “I am sorry. I know you must feel overawed as it is.”

“It's quite alright Nasir. I'm going to miss you.”

The shock on the other man's face was considerable. “Where am I going?”

“Nasir, I...just please, take the horse and be about your business.”

“Forgive me but are you jesting with me?”

“No why would I...Why would anyone say that in a jest?”

“Why would you let me go?” Nassir responded instantly. And then slowly as if he were trying to work out in his own head what was going on. “Sir, this is your prize of battle. I was the servant of the man you killed in fair combat. I am your prisoner...your slave should you wish it.”

“Nassir, I understand the custom of position. At least I think I do. And I will have no part of it. Especially not if it's simply because of my rank. Which is why I ask, is it because I won, or simply because of a title I inherited from my father?

“Sir, by our very understanding of fate and destiny it is for you to say what happens now. We are taught that ALL is as God wills it and I truly believe that. My master challenged you, more for sport than on principle mis-prizing what he saw. If you take me with you, if you claim me, I will see it as God's justice. That being said I must ask: What do you intend to do with me?”

“I will ne-ver own another human being. And I refuse to make you pay the price for your master's choices. I was little better than a slave myself before Godfrey...before my father found me my life changed very much overnight. We left for the Holy Land together but he did not survive the journey that brought me here. Regardless of how this came to be, I will not have you following after me because of who my father happened to be. This new life was thrust on me; I've done nothing to earn or prove my rank as a knight. I have done nothing to deserve the admiration I see in your eyes right now. Except be a quick learner when Godfrey gave me a brief fighting lesson. I will find my fathers people and live my life. But I cannot and will not ask you to be a part of that. Go in peace.”

“I cannot Milord.” Nassir said slowly but firmly. “All is as God wills it. I truly believe that. And if I didn't before I would now. I cannot see how the two of us could have even crossed paths as we did so soon after you arrived unless Allah brought us together. At any rate, I am not permitted to leave your side. To leave a stranger to Jerusalem alone and friendless, lost in a sea of faces is something I refuse to allow. ” He smiled softly and continued. “Call me a servant or protector if you want, and if that helps you accept my decision. It would not be far from the truth. I promise you, my life is bound to yours, and chose to bind it. Inshallah.”

“ 'God wills it' ?” Balian guessed.

“More like 'God wills it, so it is'.” Nasir said, smiling slightly.

“I am obviously not going to dissuade you from this...So be it. I will insist on one thing. Do not call me 'Milord'. Call me sir on monsieur. And my name is Balian.”

“Very well...Balian.” Nassir stated firmly. “Where are we heading?”

“I was looking for the hill where Christ died. I do not think they would welcome you.”

“I can sit by the wall, outside the mound itself, wrapping the reins around my wrists so they don't scatter. We are heading that way.” Nasir said, point a little to the west of where they stood, and a short distance outside the walls of the city.

Bringing Merlin Back

 Nikita/Sasha lived with her friends. She is now confined to the wood between the worlds. Hence the distant viewpoint, but personal familiarity. While not present, she and knows them.

Merlin stepped out into the road, his hands stretched apart, his palms open. “You promise you will leave him in peace, alive and free? I have your word on that?” His voice was flat but sincere, a feat only he could have pulled off.

“I give you my word, if you come with me now, he will leave free.”

“...Then leave him alone, and keep me.”

Quick as lightning Morganna shoved Gwaine aside and wrapped cords around Merlin's wrists and mouth. As the Queen dragged Merlin away Gwaine's head lifted, as though looking around for the source of a sound. Merlin must have sent him a message in his mind. Gwaine was the closest friend he had, save perhaps Arthur himself, and had always considered Merlin his only friend. So whatever Merlin wanted to say, if anyone was going to hear a silent message it would have been that amazing knight of Camelot. Gwaine kept himself still until Morganna and her people were out of sight. When he stood up again he had a very confused look on his face. “Where do I even begin to look?”

“Is someone there?” a voice croaked.

“I guess so.” A young man whispered. “Are you who I'm here for? Have I found Arthur's father?”

“Yes, that much I can claim. Please come out of the shadows.”

Gwaine followed the man's instructions and stepped into the room. He quickly sheathed his sword and bowed his head to Uther, who did not respond except to raise an eyebrow. “I realize I am probably the last person you want to see.” Gwaine said plainly. “Merlin told me to find you. And I think he asked me to care for you. What can I do to help?”

“You can stand up straight and look me in the face.” Uther said briskly. “You owe me no special honor, no one does. And as for the other part...Whatever disagreements we had before are certainly irrelevant by now, would you agree?”

“Yes I suppose so. It will be difficult to unlearn something I've lived with all my life however. And I don't mean knowledge of what nobles expect. With the exception of your son, I have always hated and distrusted nobles, royalty even more so. I will be better than that in time...but it will take time.”

“By the graciousness of your words and peace in your eyes I'd think you were born a nobleman.”

“I was sire. But I rejected that life long ago. I learned from my father's life that titles don't mean anything. And never found a nobleman who deserved that title until Merlin insisted...” His voice caught. “When I first met them, when I was carried into Camelot over a year ago, Merlin would not stop insisting that Arthur was different, that he was indeed a noble-man and worth dying for. At first I thought he was only saying that to make the best out of a bad situation...or that he was just easily swayed. But I saw it for myself: Arthur is different. Eventually I decided that if Merlin thought he was worth dying for...”

“What has happened to him?” Uther said suddenly. “You would not have this pained a look every time you mention his name if something wasn't sad about that story. What has happened to him?!”

“...He gave himself up...to save a friend.”

“...And for a chance to make things right with a friend.” Uther said with a queer smile. Gwaine looked at Uther as thought he thought the man was talking nonsense...or had finally had too much to drink.

“Forgive me sire but, what do you mean by that?”

“Arthur is Morganna's prisoner. The last thing he and I talked about was how much he regretted, or hated himself for not going back for Arthur...If only for one final chance to see him. I told him he'd never make it all the way to the dungeons without being caught.”

“So he had them bring him to the dungeons! That actually makes me feel better.”

Why would you do this for me?” the former King Uther Pendragon asked of the young man who had sheltered him for nine weeks without complaint.

“Forgive me sire, I do not understand.” Gwaine/Merlin asked the man.

“I cannot command you and I would not ask this of you if I could. Why are you being so kind?”

“There are many good reasons why I should sire. Arthur is one good reason. I do what I can to help him. I would follow him to my death if I could! He asked me to care for you and I don't really have any reason not to.” The young man bowed his head. “You did as me to speak without restraint or overly-tempered words.”

“Indeed, and I'm glad to see you finally followed that instructions...and that is what it was.”

“I d...You mean it wasn't an order from a king?” Uther nodded vigorously. “It does make sense. Arthur liked that about me anyway.”

“You speak of him as if relaying a story that has come to its end.”

“I don't mean to sire. He's still alive. I'm just not with him in the same way I was...back when we were always traveling together and seldom left his side. And even back then, he always liked that I didn't use false compliments or courtly manners.” The young servant's eyes grew distant, as though remembering the good old days, knowing they would never come again. Uther decided to leave the man in peace with his thoughts. A few minutes later Merlin shook himself out of his thoughts and smiled faintly at Uther.

“Seriously the last order Arthur ever gave me was to do what he could for you. I won't deny I think Arthur would make a better and more worthy king than you were. He would outshine you in forbearance as justice every bit as much as you overshadow and tower over, in those principles, the woman who has the throne now. How Morganna has managed to justify the things she's doing. It not only makes me sick I...I hope you'll forgive this...”

“It puts my reign in perspective.” Uther finished for the lad. Merlin's head shot up to the roof. Staring the former king in the face, he waited for some explanation to come forth. “I don't actually disagree with you Merlin! I don't understand what happened to her, but Morganna is as consumed with selfishness as she is with the lust for power. And Arthur is ready to be a king and his reign will...he would be a better king than I ever was. I have no reluctance about admitting that! So stop tip-toeing around the basic truths you and I have both come to see so clearly.” In response to this admission Merlin put his head down and looked at his own feet. “What is it Merlin?”

“it's time I told you as much of the truth as I ever learned...as much of it as you wish to know. What you think of me after this...it will be a revelation before the evening is done, I can assure you of that...is entirely your affair. But I want you to see the complete picture...and know exactly how long ago I figured most of these secrets out.”

“Starting with the secret of Arthur's birth.” Uther prompted.

“And that Morganna was your natural daughter.” Merlin replied instantly.

“...You have my attention.” Uther breathed.

Merlin pulled a small bottle of wine out of his satchel and poured the drink into two small cups that would fit on tea plates. “Raspberry wine. I think we both will need it before too long.” After handing the king a mug he sat on the floor and motioned Uther to sit back against the wall. “Morgouse was a liar and an enchantress. But her deception was made all the more powerful because there was a streak of truth to it. Arthur could not have forgiven himself if he'd...done what he was about to do, so I pulled him back from it. But I have known since that day why Arthur has no memories of his mother.”

Uther actually smiled at that. “Your perception and insight have ever been as sharp as an eagles or lioness. I have always said so.”

Merlin's eyes flashed briefly and Uther pushed his lips closed, sensing this was a difficult thing for Merlin to say and he needed his concentration...and the courtesy of not being interrupted in his story.

Morganna's birthday celebration was the next...revelation. When her head was cracked I...I heard what you told her when you sat with her. Strange thing is...I think she might have heard it too. Either that or she found out pretty soon after. He face was a mask but not just a closed door, there were dark things behind her eyes after that. I'm sorry, I really have no other way to describe it. She was one of the first people I met in Camelot who talked to me without barking orders, including...actually especially Gaius and Arthur. She didn't' mean well to any of us anymore. I didn't know what to make of it, or what to do about it...so I did nothing at all.”

“I don't even think this was intentionally Morgouse's doing.”

“I'm sorry but –WHAT?!!
“Morgouse wanted to right the wrongs done to her kind under your rule. Morganna wanted to make you pay for lying to her and take her 'rightful place' on the throne. Morgouse showed her that she wasn't a monster, and she came to see you as one. Morgouse would rather you be forgotten or dead. But that would be the end of it. From her perspective she's interested in justice not vengeance. Making you suffer before you die was never her goal. And she...she has a head on her shoulders compared to Morganna that surpasses the same comparison for Arthur and myself. I honestly think Morgouse makes sense by comparison!”

“Merlin, why are you squirming in your own body as if you were afraid I'd attack you for telling the truth? I should be thanking you for being so completely open with me. I do notice I seem to scare you. It makes sense and was the most natural thing in the world when I wore a crown and asked you to keep an eye out for witches and wizards. Given what you told me keeping silence could not have settled well with your honest heart, keeping quiet from me to say nothing of how close you are to my son. He would have hated you for for thinking this. But Morganna is queen now and I do not wear a crown. Like I said, I cannot command you to speak much less have you thrown in a dungeon like I did a long time ago. So, why do you still seem so scared of me?”

Several silent moments passed.

“The third reason I come as often as I do...” Merlin actually fussed with the tail of his shirt. “Sire if I continue, if I keep saying these things in a few minutes I will be begging you for leniency.”

Uther looked confused and stunned. After a moment he chuckled shakily. “Either you have a very awkward sense of humor or a very loose grip on reality.”

“Gwaine and Arthur know without a shadow of doubt that I would jump down a dragon's throat to save them, if I didn't trip over my own feet first. You were the first person in Camelot to know how far I would go to keep him safe, to defend Arthur from his enemies. But they don't know how much I could do trying to defend them. This should give you an idea.” He picked up the plate upon which he had served the king his supper, holding it eye-level on his left hand, and raised his right hand high above the plate. He said a spell in his mind and the exact meal Uther had just finished reappeared. The same except for a few extra pieces of fruit and darker red jam for the bread. He turned to face the fire pit at his left. The flames were almost down to embers. “Enthal.” he whispered. Suddenly the flame grew brighter and stronger. The next moment he pulled himself to his knees in front of Uther and bowed his head.

“What do you mean by this?” Uther asked with a kind of stern kindness. Merlin raised his head with a face even whiter than usual. “What do you think you need my pardon for? To be clear, which do you think is a crime, being a sorcerer or keeping quiet about my daughter's true intentions?”

“To be honest, neither.” Merlin answered after a moment. “Morganna was too precious to others, and wore her mask of happiness so convincingly nothing could have come from trying to tell people the truth. Not to mention it would have gotten me beheaded or exiled. If I hadn't overheard her talking with Morgouse one night I wouldn't have believed it. And I will Ne-ver regret being what I am. What I'm asking you to forgive is my plain cowardice...that I didn't do more to fight Morganna when she seized the throne. And for leaving Arthur languishing in that cell when I could so easily break him out and guide him here to be with you..”

“..It wouldn't be easy and I think you know that.” Uther interrupted him. “Unless you can literally turn yourself invisible you'd never get tot eh cells. And without revealing your powers to him, you could never tell him how you rescued him at all.”

“But..isn't that cowardice?”

“No matter how powerful one man cannot move the earth. And are you sincerely asking that?!Preserving your friendship with my son and choosing instead to follow what is by your own words the last order he ever gave you, and looking after me? I know how you must hate me. And I now know why I scare you so badly: You were helping me with your magic and hiding in the corner, hiding your power so I'd accept your help. Merlin you are probably the bravest man I know!”

“...I don't hate you sire.” Merlin fumbled with his words. “You scare me, or at least intimidate me, sure. But I couldn't hate you if I tried, not for doing what you honestly believe is best for your people...not after knowing what trusting magic cost you. Frankly, I'm gonna ask you to please, NOT presume to know my mind if that's the kind of thing you think is in my heart.”

“I...I honestly don't know what to say.” Uther Pendragon stammered, starring at the man who'd stood by him for almost 11 weeks and cared for him as a doctor cares for his patient, or a father for his young son the entire time. This wasn't the thought in his head however. The first thing he thought of was 'am I in a delirium or was I always completely wrong about him'?”

“Was I always wrong about you...Or are you really as selfless as you seem?”

“And THAT is the reaction I'd expected you to have about this.” Merlin stated flatly. “Not all people with magic want destruction and death. My powers don't corrupt me. Morganna's magic unto itself didn't corupt her. I learned from Gaius the purpose of my skills and that magic should only be used for great deeds. All Morganna ever heard was that magic was evil and 'those who practice magic should never be trusted'. Is it any wonder when someone taught her to accept herself she turned her back on the people who so shunned people like us...because believe me if she learned I had magic she'd be asking me that: Why I don't stand with her, why I won't stand up for 'people like us'. Btu I'm not like her just because I have magic, any more than I'm like Morgouse, Nimweh or the old druid for that matter. My mother made me who I am, my loyalty to Arthur gave me purpose and had things been different I would have been honored to call him my friend...If I'd been able to look HIM in the eye without fearing what he'd do if he found out that magic lives in my veins. Well, it does, literally. And that changes nothing about me...except in the eyes of people like you.” Having been staring Merlin in the face the entire time he spoke, Uther of course noticed that Merlin's mouth did not move along with his last few words...his mouth hadn't moved when he'd said them. Those words were his thoughts, which he had sent to the kings mind, unable to keep the anger out of his voice any longer. A moment later he realized the truth: Merlin was showing him the extent of his powers and proving he would never use them to cause pain, not even to a man he had every right to call his enemy.

Uther blushed red and bowed his head in shame.

Dawn of Albion

 (only the first scene is missing)

By this time we'd gotten down to the great hall and Gwaine opened it for me. I saw Arthur sitting on his throne with Merlin standing a little behind and to his left. The stranger that had caused so much confusion was standing in front of them, facing away from me. What made my stomach queasy was that Sir Leon, Sir Percival and Sir Elyan were to my left, spread in a line from the king to the stranger.

“This honestly feels like the trial of a prisoner.” I told them in a cool voice. “I'm sorry, I don't know tradition and protocol in this situation. But I don't think Imad does either.” At his name the man lifted his head and turned to me. “Merlin, I could really use your help right now.” I announced bluntly. “Or at least your advice.”

“You know what my advice would be in this situation. Why do you need me to declare it?”

“Merlin,” Gwaine began slowly. “will you please tell Sasha to do every-thing she can to help us get to the truth of all of this...in as close to those exact words as you can.”

“Sasha, please do any and everything you can to discover and disseminate the truth of this man.” Merlin said in a tone so cold I knew he still wasn't seeing straight.

“Chet nashe Hezikiah, nest za ke.” I told them, lifting my left hand into the air palm and fingers upward, as if I was holding a shiny gold ball up to God or to the world. “Sajiq, I apologize. Merlin's village was raided a while back and your exact features match the man responsible. They have not heard of Syria or Jerusalem, or any thing else that goes along with that territory. I promise, who and what you are had nothing to do with the cold reception you must have received.”

“They could not understand me, how can you?”

“It is a gift of God that you and I can break down this dividing wall. We are willing to look past the barriers our peoples have put between ourselves, so breaking the language barrier down is easy. Your words probably sounded very odd to them. But I doubt they took you as evil.”

“Uhh, can we get to the introductions portion of this introduction?” Gwaine asked me simply. At least I took it as a prompt and a request, directly of me.

“If they can't understand me, will you interpret faithfully?” I heard Imad ask me, in perfect English. From the looks on everyone else's face, they must have heard him in English as well.

“Should I start?” Merlin pondered aloud. Arthur and I both nodded. Merlin walked up to within about 12 paces of Imad. I could tell he was trying his best not to come off as threatening. “Sasha came in with Sir Gwaine. When I first met him he was a heroic stranger who believed who a person is on the inside mattered far more than any title or label the world could give them. I don't know what it's like where you're from but we have very different laws here for commoners than nobles. And Gwaine's sense of honor got him into trouble that was unto itself as wrong and powerful as I tend to get myself into. He was banished. I went looking for him a while later, when the throne was taken from Arthur's father Uther. We three went on the run. I say it that way because Elyan, Percival and Sir Leon joined us at different points in that struggle. Sir Leon was already a knight of Camelot. Arthur my... liege-lord I guess you'd say knighted the others around the table of the court of the ancient kings. They didn't expect or deserve it because of their heritage. It was granted them because of who they were and the quality of their hearts. And the valor and courage they had already. They proved their worth and then were knighted. It was...amazing really.

“I've never heard so much openness from you ever.” Arthur mused. He faced Imad squarely. “I'm sure you'd prefer speaking for yourself, what can you tell us about who you are and where you are from?”

“I am a man of peace.” Imad began slowly. “I know how to fight of course; I am a lord among my people. I just wanted to see a world outside my own eyes. In Syria I am always seen as either a Saracen or a nobleman...never anything other than that. I mean I am both of those things, but that's not ALL I am. Balian was the only man ever to see me any differently. But he did not know I was a lord in my own right and he was a stranger to our shores. When he left, back to his own people, I wanted to go with him...”

“Meshi'ne Santa vie Karandras. Caritas, Hannah, Philio.” I spoke almost forcefully.

Gwaine put his hand on my shoulder and stared into my eyes. “Sasha, are you quite alright?”

“I have three phrases to give you. Imad. I am using them to confirm your identity and your quality; nothing more than that. Are you ready?” Imad nodded and I bowed my head slightly, closing my eyes. “My lord Sa-la-ho-deen.” I could feel his heart warm slightly and I imagine he smiled. “ 'As you deserve. You reap what you sow.'” Though I said this in a casual voice, his head jerked up.

“I take it you also believe that?” Imad asked point blank.

“I'm a Christ follower more than an adherent of Christianity.” I answered with what was probably a confusing smile. “I follow the God of the four gospels as best I can. I wasn't raised within a group of fellow believers, so my faith, while based in the holy bible, is my own...not from a church.”

“Alright, but why did you just get very scared or intimidated?”

“What happened? Why can I no longer understand you?” Gwaine asked me simply

I kept staring into Imad's eyes. “These people have never heard of the cross of Christ. Even if they knew what the word 'Saracen' was, they wouldn't know what it implied for you. I'll shut myself down for another 12 years before I bring that mess to their hearts.”

“I cannot disagree.” Imad said with a sincere smile. “But what is the third statement?”

“It's more a simple, direct question...What is your given name?”

“I am Imad al Din.” The man answered promptly. “But who are the rest of you?”

“Merlin,” Gwaine began slowly. “I think that role should be yours.”

“Sasha has a more clear sight in this than any of us.” Merlin objected.

“Merlin, please.” Sir Leon piped up. “Sasha is not a native of this place. Most of what she knows of us comes from very short visits over years of time. If you want Imad to know what we are like now, speak it from your heart and in the present moment. It's long past time you were completely open about what you think of any of us anyway.”

“Alright.” Merlin said heavily. “I should tell you before anything else, you are in the kingdom of Camelot. Arthur Pendragon is our king. He is also my personal inspiration and a truly noble man. I am not making that up. I didn't exactly earn my place as his...attendant...I guess you would say. But I'm happy I'm so close to him. Sir Gwaine has been introduced. Sir Leon is the man who just spoke. Other than knowing him as uncomplicated and loyal, I don't know what I could say about him. Except he has always...he is the first into danger and the first to follow Arthur's lead. Sir Elyan and Sir Percival are knights of the round table... Like me were not raised at court...Not in the city of Camelot at all. But they at least are warriors. The courage in their hearts shine just as brightly, no matter where they were raised.”

Each knight bowed his head as he was named. At these words Sir Leon jerked his head up.”Merlin, since when need being a solider have anything to do with courage?”

“Uh, can we talk about this later?!” I pressed them.

“Actually,” Imad began. “I am more than a little curious how Merlin does view himself. And this chapter of your story is not so strange to me as you might think.”

I turned to stare at him. “Why do I get the feeling that was directed exclusively at me?”

“Knighting a whole group of commoners I mean.” Imad said, smiling brightly. “In one action giving them something to fight for and showing them they are more already than what they have been told they could ever become. THAT part is easy for me to understand.”

“We always say it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.” I mused. “It's just...I'm surprised anyone besides Lancelot and Gwaine shared that understanding. And I think we both know THAT story can wait.”

“I cannot disagree.” Gwaine quipped. “Although I will place that in the 'to be continued' category. You seem to have pulled a few masks off our faces stranger. I assume that wasn't actually your intent?”

“I don't think that could have been his purpose in coming here.” I told Arthur forcefully. “For one, he didn't know about them, or me for that matter. He did not bring himself here at all. I have not the power or strength of will to pull him through that door or bend the barrier between our worlds. I cannot deny being, between warmed and relieved that he came. But this is his choice and in the purview of the Almighty.”

Imad, Arthur and Gwaine all stared at me. Merlin was sending me urgent messages to the effect of 'shut up or at least be careful', straight to my mind. For once I decided to flatly ignore him. “Imad, I did not bring you here. But I am responsible for your presence here, indirectly. You did not mess things up between everyone here. In fact, this was bound to happen and I am exceedingly grateful you nudged it along. I can't help but think I have put you off...I mean that you are either saddened or irrevocably changed by this experience. Let me know how I can 'soften the blow', as Hannah would have called it.”

“Hannah?” Arthur and Imad both yipped.

“Arthur please dismiss Sir Leon and the other two. This will be a lot easier to say with fewer ears.”

“You don't trust us?” Sir Elyan interjected.

“It's not that Elyan.” I told him simply. “Nothing that is said or revealed here will be hidden from you, I swear it. But it is easier to admit or reveal these things in front of a much smaller group of friends. Oher than Imad himself, Kristaan and Gwaine are the only ones who might understand some of this already, from their own experiences and perspectives. I know enough about them to say that. I understand what this must feel like, not exactly in keeping with your own philosophies. I can't claim to understand you three enough to be comfortable discussing, what I intend to finally speak of openly.”

“Besides,” Gwaine began. “I'm pretty sure that's what will happen even if you stay around. You'll be present but not included. You'll be an audience waiting in the wings. That's a horrible feeling, believe me, I know. And if it will make her feel more comfortable not to have so many eyes and ears around.”

The three knights who had been aside the assembly bowed to Arthur, and departed.

“Hannah is the Hebrew word for 'grace', which was the name my oldest sister chose for herself. Arabic and Hebrew are alike enough, I thought it would be easier to understand. When it comes to it, I actually did mean 'Hannah' as an ideal. You know 'how a graceful child and a mild heart' would have put it. Grace had died by the time I came home...three days later I found this place which has been home to me time out of mind. 'Sophia' is the name you have for my last surviving sibling....Who named herself in memory though not in honor of a girl I never knew.”

“What is 'Miri's Table?” Merlin asked me suddenly.

“Something I would want Imad to sit down and join us in.” I answered simply. “It is very aptly named. All I have to do is explain why I might refer to him as 'Nassir' or 'sajiq' in the course of I..and apparently that it is a table of friends around a feast set for anyone who's heart pursues peace in the way of understanding, not simply a lack of open hostility.”

“Sasha, why are you holding back?” Arthur asked. “I already know pretty much everything.”

“This is the first time I've had to explain my travelers gifts to someone who was not...Since I took the description of Sasha as my name I've had one dream in my heart:To hold the Table of Peace here as I would have done at my home years ago. I've always had abilities that could only be described as magical. They were traveler's gifts meant to help my friends and break down dividing walls and preconceptions between whomever I might meet. They were not meant to make traveling easier for me, I couldn't take part anyway. When I first envisioned staying here for good and all, I thought holding Miri's table would be the last thing I do with this gift. I've never considered a different end to...to my life.”

“...And now you see a different end?” Gwaine prompted me.

“Miri's table, as I held it back home has very little in common with the meal I gave all of you a couple of years ago. The actual symbol 'when you're here, you're family' the table was on Sunday's didn't happen here because all of you have so much in common anyway. But it is a table of peace in the truest sense. And I cannot give that now, because the peace it implies is not mine to ensure.”

“Why am I feeling dressed down for my bad manners?” Merlin and Arthur said at once.

“Arthur, could you find a room pretty high up, maybe with a south facing window for my home? Miri's table will indeed be my swan song, my final gift to my closest friends. But it might not happen for a while. I trust Merlin to understand for himself when that time finally has come. He'll ask me for it.”

“Forgive me,” Gwaine began in a sincerely humble voice. “You sound as if your ability to stay at home and at peace with us is predicated on your ability to hold this commemoration?”

“I don't have a choice anymore. The fact that I'm still here in front of you is proof enough that I will not leave any of you again ever, save when I leave this life. But Merlin will have to ask me to hold a table of peace again. I am no longer a traveler, so I no longer have traveler's gifts...Except when it directly affects my first friend. And they make a direct request. That doesn't just mean you are chronologically the first friend I met here. I trust your judgment of this world more than what anyone else would tell me of it. I depend on, or at least care way more about your opinion and interpretation of me, than how anyone else in Camelot would see me or what they say of me to my face. It is for and because of you I kept coming back. If I use my gifts again, that also will be for and because of you.”

Merlin and Gwen walked into the room allotted to my friend Imad. They found me reclined on the floor with him, sharing a meal of beef tip and pita bread with hummus. I stood up and tried to look embarrassed.

“It's alright Sasha. You deserve some happiness after all this time.” Merlin whispered to me. “I just wanted to see if there was anything Imad would be needing?”

“That isn't what's going on. In Arabia people sprawl out on cushions to eat, and the food does not require forks. My 'caught out' expression is because I think of Gwenievre as a queen. Which now that I live here instead of visiting so freaking often should abide my local custom and tradition. Except I never learned any custom or tradition for interacting with royalty.” I caught a slight look in Merlin's face that told me something was pressing on his mind. It wasn't a burden exactly, but there was something Merlin wanted to get out in the open and address in front of more than just the two of us. Perhaps that was why he'd brought Gwen along. Something of my thoughts probably shown on my face.

“Does Merlin always take such close interest in his guests?” Imad asked aloud, of all of us at once.

“For someone who didn't live here until a few days ago Sasha is a dear and special friend. She's also a better judge of both character and intention than anyone else I know. Anyone she esteems as highly as she speaks of you is well worth extra effort.” Merlin rattled off in a squeaky voice. “And I guess I am too late to make a light meal for you both. But I hope you will accept it if I prepare a meal tonight, for whoever in this room would like to come.”

“I would like that very much.” Imad stated in a quiet, almost restrained voice. “There is something I have to clear up first.” He turned and looked at me with chilly eyes. It felt as if he couldn't decide for himself if he should feel sorrow, regret or simply embarrassment at whatever had gone unaddressed. Merlin looked deeply concerned for a moment. I shook my head slightly and looked at my Saracen friend.

“I appreciate the invitation and confirmation to stay. I feel both honored and comforted that you seem genuinely concerned for my comfort as well as my...well-being. But you were mistaken on one thing.” Imad began slowly. I looked even harder at him, as did the others in the room. “My people have strict rules on what is acceptable to eat. Cooking meat separate from dairy is not one of them.”

“Was I getting Kosher and Halal confused?” Sasha inquired.

“I think you know which one applies.” Imad answered with a smile.

“Halal, of course. Are you saying it is not as strict...restrictive?” My friend nodded deeply, with another shy smile on his face. “Okay...feeling a little stupid right now.” I said weakly.

Merlin and Gwen looked at each-other and silently agreed: Something I considered normal was not all right with Imad. At least, that was how I interpreted their gaze. Imad must have noticed it too, as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “What is the confusion?” he inquired. My smile broadened, I forced a tone into my words so that everyone present would hear me in Arabic and answered. “They can sense something is making us uncomfortable. It feels something has 'come up' between us which we do not know how to alleviate. At least, they don't. Without knowing what 'kosher' and 'halal' are, they have no way to know how great or small the difficulty is. May I...?”

“Of course.”

“Merlin, Gwen, nothing is wrong. There are two sets of religious rules on what is permitted or forbidden to eat; Kosher and Halal. While I understand there is a difference, I thought the 'don't mix meat with dairy' regulation belonged to both. It's an easy mistake to make when you don't follow either one. My original instruction to you Merlin, not to melt cheese onto meat, apparently isn't a rule in Halal...So none of us should be worried about it.”

“Which is why this needed clearing up before you made them a meal.” Gwenievre put forth. “There is something fairly pressing on my mind as well, something I think only Sasha can address.” I gave an encouraging nod.“Do you still have your traveler's gifts? More to the point, is the first promise you made to us dependent on whether or not you have them?”

“I can honestly say I don't understand. I know you refer to Miri's table but I never made a promise about that. I know I declared my intention to hold it again but, that's not the same thing, is it?” I noticed Imad was looking between the four of us as if we were speaking Lakota instead of English. “Miri's table was a table of peace and equality I held on Sabbat days growing up. It was to have been the last thing I did with my traveler's gifts. Which I no longer have, because I am no longer traveling. But when I made my promise to hold that meal I did not call it by that name. I guess if they know a declared intention is as good as a promise for me...”

“Which we do.” Merlin posed.

“Ah. Then yes, I do intend to hold Miri's Table for each of you. But it won't look the same as I first imagined it, because I won't be able to provide the food, only to serve it. To,. Even if for a moment, take Merlin's place for a day. As I had planned on long ago.”

“THAT'S Miri's Table?” Merlin squeaked.

“Sajiq...my friend... 'Miri' was the name I went by when I first started traveling. The word literally means 'of peace'; though I didn't know that at the time. Anything meant as a peace, a sanctuary, a refuge or a stop along the road is literally Miri's Table. It's who and what I am. This is just the first time in nineteen years the memorial and testement itself comes so close to the sabbat we held so long ago.” Imad himself was confused, and made no attempt to hide it. The others were simply arrested in their responses. “Imad will understand what I mean when I put it this way. Every seventh day we held a sabbath, a time of rest and fellowship. This came to be called 'Miri's Table', by our guests because I was the host and they knew that was my name. I have been away from home for almost twenty years. In that time my sisters came to see this stop along the road as a Sabbat, like Ramadan or Hanukah. But as the original desginer and host, I can say with authority it is a place of peace and a time of fellowship...no matter what form it takes.”